Today, Hope For Holly was highlighted as a Hot Member within the MyBlogLog Community. It is a great honor to be added to the mix with past Hot Members including Andrew Wee, Tim Ferriss and Robert Kiyosaki amongst others. MyBlogLog has been so helpful for Holly and me in finding and reaching out to people who are going through similar ordeals. I've met amazing people and have really been touched by all who have joined and developed different cancer awareness communities in order to share their feelings, thoughts, ideas and positive thinking. It truly is the power of a flat world. I especially want to thank the illustrious Robyn Tippins for the exceptional write up on my sites.

When Holly was first prescribed the adjunct treatment of Xeloda & Oxciliplatin, we were told that her hair would probably thin a bit, but it wouldn't fall out. I think that our definition of 'a bit' and the doctors definition are two different things. While I still think that she looks great, Holly has reached a level of frustration with the thinning. I don't see it, but she is complaining that large chunks are coming out when she brushes. More than anything, though, she doesn't want to let it go too long. In her words, she'd rather rip the band-aid off quickly. She has made the decision to shave her head. It is a way for her to be in control of her cancer and it is a chance to help other people. Her amazing hair will be going to Locks of Love, an organization that uses human hair to make wigs for kids with cancer and other diseases. We recognize that for a lot of women going through cancer, the decision (or lack of decision depending on how forced it is) to shave their head can not be an easy one. Since day one, we've wanted to share our cancer experience in hopes that it will change lives either by education or empathy. This experience will be no different. While the decision to shave is not 100% final yet, it is looking like that will be the plan shortly after her next treatment (1 weeks from tomorrow). I am planning on documenting the process and posting it on this and other sites (youtube, vimeo, Yahoo video, etc.). We'd love to do some unique things around this in raising both awareness and money for colo-rectal cancers. We've thought about selling sponsorships or selling her hair by the inch in a banner ad, but we are really looking for some unique ideas that would help to encourage people to think about this horrible disease. What are your thoughts?

Back when I was a kid, we didn't have 60" plasma TV's with 1,000 channels of crystal clear, digital, high def programming. No we had 7 channels. In Philadelphia we had 3, 6, 10, 12, 17, 29 & 48. You had to know the difference between UHF & VHF and you were stuck watching commercials. Cartoons were only on on Saturday mornings from 7 - 10. While being able to tolerate such limited programming was a skill, a far greater skill was the ability to adjust the rabbit ear antenna on your set. Anyone over the age of 30 probably recalls the rabbit ear antenna. You remember your dad freaking out because the TV would go static-y during the most important play of the game. He'd get out of his Lazy-Boy and curse and scream and move them around to get a clear picture on a black and white 15" set. Your uncle would wrap tin foil around them to make them longer in hopes of getting a better signal. And then, if it were an important program, he'd have you pinch one of the ears with your left hand and hold your right hand on the radiator (baseball season only) in hopes that your body as a conduit would somehow inherit more signal from the sky than rabbit ears alone. Then the knobs. Oy vey, the knobs. Once you got your picture as close as you possibly could with the rabbit ears, it would be on to the knobs. Rotate the signal ever so slightly in order to dial in the granularity even more. Oh no, the picture looks great but it is flickering!!! "Get me my flat head boy", the Old Man would yell. Of course, I couldn't find one, but a butter knife worked just as well. Adjust the Vert & Horiz until that Phillies game comes in. The picture would look great for about 8 seconds and then the dance would start over again. Cancer recovery is a lot like those old television sets. No one has the perfect picture, it is just constant, minor adjustments. Monday was really bad. Not just like I don't feel well bad, but really bad should we go to the hospital bad. Which had it's own mental side effects. Anywhere but the f'ing hospital again. The side effects of chemotherapy seem to be incredibly unpredictable and contradictory. It might cause headaches, it might not. It might cause hot flashes, it might make you feel cold. It might cause constipation, it might cause diarrhea. Who knows? So it's an adjustment. Move the rabbit ears a little bit this way, oh, that makes it worse, move them a little more the other way. Oh, that did something else? Oh, move them around some more. It is a horrible way to live. We've gotten into the point of documenting everything. What did she eat? What were the effects? Did she exercise? What did she do? What were the effects? How did she sleep? What were the effects? And so on and so forth. It seems to be the only way to understand cause and effect of what she does and how it makes her feel. We are stating to get her body dialed in. The last couple of days she has been feeling good. Minor modifications to diet, increased exercise of course seem to be working, but as anyone who has ever tried to lose weight knows, modifications to diet and exercise are tough to pull off. The rabbit ears seem to be in the right place now, I just hope that they stay there.

Like a total dolt, I forgot my camera, but we had an awesome time anyway. Holly and I spent the weekend, kid free, at Hotel Valencia in Santana Row. We thought about going to Carmel or San Francisco, but decided that, rather than wasting kid free time driving, we would go some place close. We also lucked into some money recently, so it was almost like it was a free vacation. It was an amazing time. Upon arrival, I went across the street and did some damage at Borders and we spent the rest of the afternoon basking in the beautiful, Bay Area weather (88 sunny, of course) sitting by the pool enjoying overpriced, watered down cocktails. Saturday night, we did a bit of shopping, enjoyed a nice dinner at the quite uncool Left Bank (8:00 and empty at Santana Row is never a good sign - but no line) and retired early. Sunday morning, breakfast in bed with the paper, a trip to the farmers market for lunch and off home. A short, much needed vacation. It was just perfect. Like our Hawaii vacation, this one was cancer free. Like Hawaii, if the subject comes up, it is simply This Silliness. As in 'Once This Silliness is over, we will take a long vacation.' or 'I'm tired of This Silliness and I don't feel well.' Right now, This Silliness is causing some major problems. The side effects of chemotherapy have been less than pleasant. Holly has been experiencing major stomach cramps and more than a bit of neuropathy, but still remains insanely positive and upbeat about beating This Silliness. We know that we will. We know that we are winning this fight. Unfortunately, This Silliness has gotten some punches in during this round.

I haven't cried a whole lot during this process. I cried a bunch when Holly was diagnosed and a bunch while she was in and out of the hospital, but for the most part, I haven't wanted to show the kids how upset I've been, so I haven't cried a whole lot. If you have a kid between the ages of 5 & about 13, you're no doubt familiar with the sensation that is High School Musical 2. It is a Disney Channel Original movie about a group of kids trying out for the, well, you guessed it. There has been predictions that it will be the most watched made for TV movie ever. It aired last night and if it is even half as popular as the first, everyone on the planet will be sick of it by the end of the weekend. The other morning, Ella and I were watching the Disney Channel. There was a short promotional video for HSM2 that featured about a dozen kids who were lucky enough to meet the cast thanks to the Make-a-Wish Foundation. I just lost it. For four minutes, I just had tears streaming down my face. I guess I've been burying feelings about Holly being sick for a long time, but what an odd thing to bring it out. You can watch the video here.

Thank you for all of the support in regards to my last post. We got some great comments and I appreciate everyones concern. Under the circumstances, we are doing well. Holly went to the gym this morning. My mom is in town helping to take care of the kids. We are planning on going away this weekend. Life could be a whole lot worse. I probably should have prefaced where that thought came from. In the oncology center, there is a television in one of the infusion rooms. Holly and I were watching the news the other morning during her infusion and there was a review of the semi-recently published book Off the Wall: Death in Yosemite. While the title sounds kind of morbid, it makes a lot of sense for people who live in the Bay Area who tend to spend summer vacations hiking Half Dome, drinking, boating and feeding bears. The goal of the book is to educate people as to what isn't smart to do when your in a national park. Learn from other peoples experience, right? It turns out that the most common cause of death in Yosemite isn't bear attacks, snake bites or plunging down a cliff side, but car accidents (windy roads, slippery when snowy, drinking, etc. makes sense). As I mentioned in a previous post, Holly's family has a cabin near Yosemite, which of course started the conversation, wouldn't it suck if after all this...

On the way home from the last infusion we get killed in a horrible bus accident. We'd be pretty pissed.

I've been flakey with the camera of late, so I don't have any updated photos. In short, last Friday, Holly got her port inserted. It isn't the greatest photo opp, a small bump in her chest, so no reason to grab that. The surgery went about as smoothly as we could imagine. She went in and came out with a new little port. Sweet. Round 2 of chemo was this morning. The port works much better than getting the injection in her arm. Significantly less painful. The nausea kicked in some more, though, so they doped her up with something that starts with an 'A'Aloxi, and that helped a lot, but knocked her out pretty good. She spent the majority of the day sleeping it off. 2 down, 7 more to go. We also had a follow up appointment with our surgeon, Dr. Youn. He is a great guy. He is fun, but can switch to deadly serious at the drop of a hat. The issue of those spots in Holly's chest came up again. His general feeling was that CT scans can show a lot of noise and, right now, jamming a needle through her chest to do a biopsy and the risk of popping a lung or slicing an artery is too high. We are going to continue to keep an eye on it and get another CT scan in about a month and a half. If they aren't concerned, than neither are we. All in all, not exactly a trip to Disney Land, but not the worst day ever. At least she is home.

It's Port Day!!! Holly is in surgery now. I was going to hang around, but with 2 gossip magazines and Regis on in the waiting room, I was playing 4th fiddle and not really needed. It's at least 3 hours and the OR was pretty backed up. They were saying about an hour delay. She demanded that I go home and get some work done (I guess they are going to want us to pay for all of this somehow). Kind of hard to focus knowing that they are going to be slipping a tube that makes it easier for her body to accept poison into a main artery. Obviously, she got solace from knowing that despite it all, she is in better shape than Britney, LiLo, or the babies from Nambia not adopted by Angelina Jolie. Photo by the always awesome Queen of all Media, Perez Hilton.

Holly's family has an amazing cabin in Bass Lake, CA. It's one of those very rustic places that has been in the family almost 100 years. The photo above was taken one morning from the porch. The place is just awesome and it is Holly's most favorite place on the planet. I spent last weekend up there and then had to travel for work. Holly and the kids spent the remainder of the week up there with her sister. When she is up there, one of her favorite things to do is swim across the lake. From the house to the close side, it is about 1,000 yards round trip. In the past, she has done it everyday. This year, she tried to swim, went for a short jaunt with her brother, but the neuropathy was just too much to handle in the cold water. No swimming, even wading in knee deep was uncomfortable. Cancer sucks.