On Monday, Holly had her 7th treatment. The day started like the other 6. Wake up, get dressed, get kids dressed, then the question. "Do you have any questions for Dr. Uyei?" I couldn't think of anything.  Neither could Holly, really.  We had a friend that recently had a pretty significant relapse.  So we asked about that.  Even if it is distant, it is still a concern.  So here was what we learned about relapses.  They happen, but there really doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason behind them.  Just like cancer itself.  Colon cancer relapse can hit the colon again.  It can hit the liver, the lungs or really any where else.  While they don't come out and say it, it is kind of like when you take your car to get fixed and 2 weeks later there is something completely different wrong with it.  I wonder why they don't call that a relapse, too?  Probably marketing.  There also isn't a stage number associated with a relapse.  Odd.  I wonder why they would rank a first bout but not subsequent bouts? Is this what happens?  It seems like we've lumped going to the oncologist in the same bucket as going to the grocery store.  "Anything you want from the store, honey?"  I guess, sadly, after 7 chemo treatments and over 100 different doctors visits that we have become the experts.  We've become the old pro.  That's a bummer. Photo from the Old Pro in Palo Alto by ifindkarma. 

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Tags: old_pro, palo_alto, chemo, cancer, experience

Those who know me, know that I more than enjoy the occasional 18 hole round.  Every time I play, my partners routinely ask about Holly and how things are going.  One of the tough things about cancer is that I don't have a lot to relate to that I can share.  Most people have no idea.  Holly's post the other week about it being hungover for 11 months was a good analogy. Recently, the amazing Kate Thaxton had a really good post about why cancer to her is like putting. It is amazing how the little victories have become so important.  It is probably more important to recognize how these little battles lead up to winning the war.  This morning, Holly and I were talking about the days that she was home from the hospital after her surgery.  She was down 25 pounds and needed to be held up to take a shower.  Today, taking a shower is no problem.  The battle is having the energy to make it through the day.  In a few months, the battle will be to get her strength back to pre-diagnosis levels.  A few months after that, hopefully, it will be higher still. Sadly, the war never ends.  The battles subside for a little while.  There will hopefully be a nice peace accord that culminates every few months with a routine check-up.  No dirty fighting during the truce, but we will forever be in a war.  Like any war, though, you have to appreciate the small victories to truly appreciate the overall war.  You also have to do the occasional happy dance.

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Tags: chemotherapy, golf

Room 116 pointed out this amazing image blog, FFFFound.  There is some beautiful photography including this one of a young Stevie Wonder.

©Al Satterwhite [http://www.alsatterwhite.com] Since Holly's been sick, I've been listening to a lot of old, really good music including Warren Zevon, the Beach Boys Pet Sounds and, of course, Stevie Wonder.  This is the music that my parents listened to when I was a kid.  Probably between the ages of birth and about 10 years old (or whenever Kiss Alive II came out).  It is amazing how, when life hands you a bizarre event such as cancer, that you revert back a bit to what was comforting as a child.

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Tags: music, stevie_wonder, beach_boys, Warren_zevon

Holly isn't feeling well tonight. The day started out really well, but like most days, by 4:00 the effects of chemotherapy kick in and knock her out. Yesterday she was really sick. As I've mentioned before, cancer has taken away a lot of things. When she was first diagnosed, neither of us had experience with cancer. Of course, when you hear those words 'You have cancer' you immediately think end of the world nah, nah, nah, nah. But lately, as we get towards the end of Holly's chemo treatments, I've been thinking about how much she has accomplished over the past 10 1/2 months. It is cliche to say that we didn't start living until we had cancer (it isn't even true, in our case), but instead of being a death sentence, it has been anything but. Here are just some of the amazing things that she has accomplished:

Manages our entire household. Holly is the Chief Household Officer and does everything from taking the kids to school to making cookies to paying bills to really everything that keeps me running. This in and of itself is amazing. It is a job that I suck at.

Designed and managed the construction of our dream house. Yes the design was before the diagnosis, but she still had cancer when she was doing it. She also managed all of the contractors and still kicks ass when it comes to knocking things off the punch list.

Despite feeling like hell, she is an unbelievable room mom at our daughters school. I can't believe the stuff that she does.

She still works out like a crazy person. I'm healthy and I don't go to the gym that often.

She rarely plays the 'C' card. I play it all the time (someones got to).

Made it through 30 days in the hospital and fought like hell to make it home for or daughters pre-school graduation.

A bunch of her friends have been going through tough times lately. When she could play the 'C' card, she has been one of the most thoughtful, caring friends anyone could wish for.

She is an equally thoughtful, caring & supportive wife despite how bad she feels.

Like I said, these are but a few of the amazing things that she has done while having cancer. I'm too tired to try to find out how many people will be diagnosed with cancer in 2008. It's a lot. Millions globally. It isn't a death sentence, it isn't a new life, it just is. Most times it sucks, but if you are one of the millions that gets diagnosed, it is important to know that it is far from the end of the world. You can get through this too.

The other night we were at a friend's and they strongly encouraged us to join them in several shots of tequilla. Well, life's been a little rough lately and I already felt crappy, so I thought..what the hell. After much fun and throwing up in my friend's front yard, I woke up feeling no more crappy than I did the day before. I concluded that going through chemo is very much like having a LONG hangover. Does this mean I should drink more? I'll check with my oncologist.

Huge news. Barry Manilow is coming to town. I've always been a huge "Fanilow", but never more so then after I was diagnosed. On my way to radiation one day, I was belting out "I Made it Through the Rain" as I cruised down the freeway. Well, I lost it. Not the pretty cry, but the gulping for air, howling kind of cry you can't control. Well, since that day, that song has helped me through some serious rough spots. Ella Jane and Sam ( 5 yrs. and 3) know all the words. I'm so proud. We had planed to go to Vegas and see Barry in the spring, but when Barry comes to town, you go. Wish me luck getting good seats. I don't play the "C" card often, but I might use it for this.

It has been a rough week. Two of Holly's closest friends lost relatives to various forms of cancer. I've been following the saga of Randy Pausch and I can barely bring myself to read about Leroy Sievers any more. Holly had her 6th oxciliplatin treatment today and it crushed her. Not a whole lot of fun, but we finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. It looks like December 17th, the day before her birthday, will be her last treatment. Oddly, she started treatment on the day before our sons birthday back in February, so I'm sure that there is a weird cycle there that, were I feeling more philosophical, I'd probably write about. I haven't really been writing too much lately because Holly has been feeling crappy and that song and dance gets old. There are only so many ways to write about the side effects of chemotherapy without sounding like a broken record (or disgusting). With 2 more treatments in our future, and hopefully being done with this disease for the rest of our lives, I'm not really sure what we are going to do with this site once she is finished. Of course, I'll leave it up, it seems like it has helped a lot of people out, for which I'm really thankful. Hopefully, it will continue to do so in the future. I've been thinking of writing a book (and giving it away a'la Seth Godin) on dealing with cancer from a spouses point of view. I'm really not sure. Obviously, I look at this as a great problem to have. Holly's well, not a whole lot to write about. Like Scott & Beth suggested, I should make it a goal to get to 100% search traffic. That way, you are healthy and you are helping others. I just feel like there should be some sort of formal closure to it all.