One year ago today, 3 stupid little words changed our lives forever.
You have cancer.
We didn’t even really know what that meant. There is no good kind of cancer, but we really didn’t know what to expect. We understood that it would be tough, but like any journey, you don’t really know what you are in for until you go down the path.
Now is a great opportunity for me to be down and talk about how horrible the past year has been, but we were reflecting on it over the weekend. In the past year, while being sick sucks, we’ve done more than most people and are insanely grateful for it all.
It’s been hard at times, depressing at times, frustrating at times and just sad a lot. In short, it has been long. 365 days doesn’t seem that long, but this past year kind of drug on. For me, the biggest challenge is to consistently watch someone you love be so sick.
For Holly, less than being sick, is just how much cancer has taken from her. Time from her family, time from her friends, fun nights out, cool day trips. The little things that most of us take for granted are so dependent on her health. It just sucks.
It’s been a long year, but we are confident that 2008 will be better. We are confident that her health will be better than it was pre-diagnosis. We know that it will take a lot of time, but we are confident that, like so many other people, we will prevail against this.
Holly doesn’t really curse. I pride myself in being able to leverage profanity like a fulcrum to emphasize my points.
I can make up curse words like an artist uses mixed medium to create master pieces. Holly just stares at me with disappointment for not being more creative and using a deeper variety of less offensive words to get my point across.
But lately, ‘Fuck’ has crept into the vernacular at the Schnaars household. As in, ‘this fucking sucks’. Our kids haven’t started saying it yet, but after being under the weather for a year, there really isn’t a good synonym that accurately reflects the feeling.
What works for you?
Photo by Ted and Liz.
We haven’t posted anything in a while. Part of this is due to me having a new job. I’ve been pretty heads down.
Part of it is that I don’t need the reminder. It seems like each time I turn on the radio or the television, someone has been diagnosed with cancer or has died from cancer or is somewhere in between (media should do a better job of highlight survivors, but that is a different rant). I don’t want the reminder. Holly is starting to slowly, very slowly feel better, that it is easy to sometimes forget about our situation.
Part of it is that we are on pins and needles about Holly’s PT scan on 2/12. We, of course, can only have positive vibes, but in the back of our heads, it is hard not to think of the alternative.
At this very second, Holly is walking the dog downtown to get bagels and OJ for breakfast. She is persistent in her exercise routines, hitting the gym a few times a week. She isn’t running yet, but at least getting a few miles in. Yoga and light weights helping too.
She is still tired, though and, periodically, the effects of chemo hit her unexpectedly. The road to recovery is a long one. We believe that we are on the right track. I guess will know after the scan.
Thanks, Eric, for the plug.